Our story is a little different than most involved in this process in that we are lucky enough to have 3 amazing sons from my previous marriage.
I was advised 5 years ago that due to medical reasons it was best if I had a hysterectomy. It was a very upsetting time full of confusion, disappointment and feelings of failure. I thought I would no longer be a real woman but held tight to the knowledge that I had my 3 beautiful boys and my life was full and my family complete, or so I thought.
I always wondered if I would meet another man that I would love and have a life and future with. I worried that if not being able to have children would be an issue and how could any man love me regardless. As such I decided not to look, that it would be best not to put myself through disappointment and heartache again, that I could be happy being on my own and I was luckier than some so be grateful for what I had.
So going along in my own little world one day I happen to run into a guy at my friends place. She introduced us for about 5 minutes and that was that. He could not stop texting our friend to organise a BBQ that night so he could see me, she did and we have been together ever since.
This man turned my world upside down, the love and affection in his big heart, the care and compassion he has for everyone is amazing. We talked about children and I had told him the first night about my situation, he had always wanted children and thought he could live without them as long as we were together. After seeing him with his nieces and god daughters my heart started to break as I told myself how could I do this to such a beautiful soul, how could I ask him to give up his dream of a child when I was so fortunate to have been though the experience of 3 beautiful babies. More than anything I wanted to share this beautiful experience with this man that loved me so much, this man that I had given my heart to and could never image living without. I wanted a baby with this man and I wanted to make our family complete.
One night at our friends she raised the issue of children, when I told her my situation she burst out saying well I’ll carry it. We were stunned, what and how could this be done. She continued to tell us that she had donated eggs to her cousin for IVF the year before and pulled out a book all about it. My partner and I said we would talk about and it was something we could look at later on. Our friend kept raising the possibility with each of us together and singly, we would casually discuss this at night whilst cuddle up and thought this could be a possibility as it would allow us to forfill our dream of completing our family.
I raised it with our older boys who light up with excitement and of course suggested a little sister would be a good idea. One afternoon on the train on my way home from work my partner called me, he is a long haul driver in the transport industry and calls me numerous times a day just to say hello and he misses me. He was away on a trip and called to see how my day was, I advised him that our friend had raised the issue about a baby the other day and he responded with ‘well what do you think’? Being a true female I said ‘well what do you think’? His reply floored me, he said ‘I think we should just go for it’ I asked if this meant he wanted me to start looking into the whole surrogacy think and he said ‘yes’. We were going to have a baby, or at least give it everything we had to make it happen. I was so excited and jubilant I almost squealed with joy but then remembered I was in the quite carriage and did a little wiggle instead.
Well I started to look into the whole surrogacy thing, the first thing I found was OMG there is not much out there that is useful and everything contradicts itself, the legislation and law is one thing but what and how this occurs is another. Then I stumbled across Hub Bub and that was it, I found so much information and so many wonderful people who really care and want to help. I am not alone, there are others out there and I found them.
I soon had a lot of info and started looking into clinics to try and get a price which is when I was advised that it is approx. $15,000-$18,000 and 100% out of pocket as Medicare does not rebate AT ALL. I then started looking into the legal side and costs and was advised that it is approx. $15,000-$18,000 and is NOT legally enforceable and that after all the stress, heartache and expense the GS could still say she is keeping the baby and there is nothing the law or us can do about it.
Well we are very lucky that our GC is a very close friend who has always and will always be in our lives and we will have no issue with the hand over. We do have issues with the costs of everything.
Due to my age 44 and turning 45 this year and the excessive costs of everything, this is it for us. We will only have one chance and that is more upsetting than anything. Medicare and this government have made it impossible for us (as is with many others I am sure) to go through this process again in the current situation.